The Beauty of Networking and Giving December 15, 2008

Two weeks ago I came across an event on Facebook called Giving Christmas to the Homeless here in Vancouver, BC.

A friend of mine Cathy saw the post and thought I’d be interested. The coordinator Sherry Taylor a local Vancouver woman posted the 3rd annual event where by her friends, family, and their network of people come together to give a lunch and warm clothing to the homeless on the downtown eastside.

Every year I try and do at least one thing at Christmas and thought I would offer the opportunity up to a few women from Women with PURPOSE, a professional women’s networking group I started two years ago,  to help out.

The local bagel factory donated two boxes of bagels to make sandwiches to me, Lori, an amazing woman and now a dear friend from the group offered her kitchen and very large jar of peanut butter, and Jana and Benita brought bananas, homemade cookies, and away we went. Two hours later we produced 80+  wrapped sandwiches with treats in a brown paper bag and after running out of PB had another  100 bagels away to people in need.

Thanks to my sister, mom, and friends we have over 20 mitts, toques, and scarves along with jackets, sweaters, and a couple blankets to give out as well.

By 2pm we had handed out everything we brought with us… Smiles and laughter surrounded Pigeon Park where over 50 people including a couple dozen children gathered to give back. The small square on the corner of Hastings and Carral was filled with people who cared and wanted to make a difference if even in a small way.  thank yous  and smiles warmed the corner that is known for violence, drug use, and many stories of hopelessness.

I took a brief moment to step back and look at everything going around me… Children singing and handing out bread, hot tea, and sandwiches, women and men offering smiles, and a “Merry Christmas” to those who’s holidays aren’t often a happy experience.  All started by one woman with a great heart and a group of friends who wanted to make a difference. What an amazing experience to be a part of and to share it with friends.

Today over 100 women, men and children were able to witness a community caring and in a small way changed their day and hopefully gave them some hope.

To my friends, family, and Sherrie, thank you. Today was a true testament to how community, networking, and giving can make a difference for everyone involved.

I got to spend a few hours gabbing with the girls and giving back to a great cause that put smiles and hopefully a spark of hope out there to those  in need .. what more can one ask for?

New Book for Women… Things Men Say December 11, 2008

“Funny, witty, and delightful … A must read for any

woman … ”

— Sherrance Henderson, author of The Ten Year Date: Sex, Secrets, and Lies

After a long haul at the drawing board and endless hours of  creative work Tracey L. Williams of Washington, DC has completed her first book that will have all the women talking.

Things Men Say “…is a fun, lighthearted glimpse into one woman’s dating life. As a self professed Urban Girl, Posh has no trouble finding and dating men in the city. Her wanting or keeping them is another thing. Whether right or wrong, the men in her life always seem to deliver touching, humorous, or gritty sayings worthy of journaling her experiences into this delightful tale of the Things Men Say: Good, Bad, Naughty, and Nice.”

Tracey was a coaching client of mine last year who was working her way through some amazing and innovative new projects; ready to take some action. From her marketing expertise, amazing coaching abilities, to her real estate investments she is always on the go.

At the time of working with Ms. Williams she was looking for a new way to get all her endeavours in order to create a recipe for success. Assisting her in unleashing her creative being for the book and providing an opportunity for her to work out her schedule she was able to overturn her feeling of being overwhelmed to start working away through all her projects with great success- the book is done, her coaching business is starting to flourish, and her life is on a roll.

Having had the privilege of assisting Tracey on the ending of this book and setting goals to have it done this year I am so pleased and extremely excited to get my hands on this book.

This is a book for any women who has been part of the Urban dating world.  The amazing design by Noel Albizo and illustrations by Derrick Vaughn will create a visual that will keep you captured while the A to Z dating shorts will remind you of the crazy and amazing world of dating.

Whether it’s for you or for someone you know I strongly recommend picking up this book.

“ … The situations provoking this zany assortment of

lines from the guys gives a glimpse into the life of the

urban girl. [Tracey] makes real life funny.”

— Maxine Snowden, author of Don’t Fork the Peas!

Trash or Truth: Do Women Spend too Much Time Dwelling in Procrastination and Blame? July 10, 2008

 

Have you ever turned to your girlfriend and asked her “What’s the point?” followed by a long shpeel about the injustices in your life? This can include; how your parents won’t get off your back because nothing you ever do is good enough, and how you should be married by now – which then turns into a tangent about how every date you’ve been on from Plentyoffish, eHarmony, or Lavalife turns out to be a flake or just interested in casual sex because they “just got out of a relationship”. And then from there start off on your boss and how he can’t seem to give you a break at work and complains about everything, and finish off your verbal vomit (which is really just about “sharing your feelings”) with how you can’t stop eating McDonald’s cinnamon rolls and have “gained like 10 pounds in a week!!!”

 

All of my life I’ve listened to women complain about one thing or another, but over the last five years, and maybe it’s BEcause I’m getting older,  I’ve specifically noticed women complaining about their “have to”  jobs, their children’s unruly behaviour, their messed up relationships, their fat backsides and how they won’t put on a bathing suit because of the cellulite and yet continue to eat those oh-so-good cinnamon rolls that they roll out of the driveway at 10pm three nights a weeks . Why do the majo rity of women, regardless of their socio-economic, physical or mental status, have the same gripes?

 

So many women get “stuck” in a pity cycle or what I refer to is the “dirty diaper syndrome, and although the wandering thought of “maybe I could change things up a little” starts to swirl around in their heads and they make a plan for “tomorrow”, they quickly realize it’s been a week or maybe a month and nothing has really changed. Their jobs they hate so much are still happening and they dread getting up every morning to put on their nylons or unflattering uniform just to pay the bills. That treadmill they got from the shopping channel last year is still sitting there in the coner of the room waiting for the “right” time to get on it while it’s collecting the dust that they just don’t have the time to clean.

 

Yes! Woman let’s not deny it, we live in a world that we feel some strange pull to put effort into things that don’t ultimately make us happy. We are concerned mostly with the need to feel good about ourselves from the inside out, but do little to satisfy our souls.

 

And, somehow the urban generation of ages 15-24 young women have caught on to this trend and strive for immediate gratification only, with out not a lot of long term planning. These women literally and figuratively buy into the media and its trends; needing to be thin and fashionable.There is no  middle ground when it comes to the origin of unhappiness. They either blame their parents, the boys, or the world on why they aren’t satsified, then end up confused saying “What’s the point?” Living in a world where, even though they say they don’t give a rat about what others think of them, they would never be seen alone in a mall or coffee shop reading a book or without makeup in public. They are either ultra girly or aggressive picking fights at school or in the club to prove something to someone else.

 

What is happening? The feminist pendulum had swung from right to left and now it’s dangling in the air with so much distraction and so much distance from self preservation. When did we learn to believe that girl empowerment is giving up on ourselves?!  And when did we learn that being our own person is in the hands of media and society?

 

So my question to you is; how big are your balls? Or, for you girly girls; how big is your purse? What will you do to fit in, or adversely, what will you do to step above the mediocrity? This isn’t about girls being better than boys, but more about taking the time to look at how self fulfillment, through self awareness – not media or blame, can actually enhance our lives. When you make the effort, you get the payoff!

 

This is about more demands on women to be superwomen; balancing it all. Do you rise to the occasion? Or, do you throw up your hands and say ‘forget it’.

 

SET SOME GOALS, follow through on them even if it takes time. Do it because you ARE worth it! After all, no one will truly believe you are worth until you believe it yourself!

 

Finding Passion and Purpose: The Eight Elements of Success June 12, 2008

Current cultural influences within North America have led to a generation of women who have been raised more by societal values and media influences than by the more traditional influence of family. It is therefore not surprising that we have so many young women unsettled in their ways and looking for more.  

 

As a result young women in today’s world often have so many demands to be a certain way in order to please others that they often get confused with what they really want in life. Although having a sense of belonging in this complex world is important it is not as important as finding personal self fulfillment as an individual first. As women we are often raised in the reverse; we do not see ourselves and our own development as a priority worthy of attention.

 

Understanding the value of self can give women the opportunity to achieve greater resilience in life. By offering women the opportunity for self exploration in a safe environment and by teaching the importance of valuing mind, body and spirit this journey into womanhood can become a fulfilling time in a young women’s life free of fear and self destruction. 

 

The idea of challenging ones own self to reach above the societal bar of mediocrity to find personal drive and passion is the key. In doing so, we can create the elements of a successful life.  The definition of success needs to be a personal one without judgment or preconceived ideas. All goals are worthy and each individual holds the key to their personal definition of success. 

 

 

In my work with youth I have found that there are certain elements that when present create the capacity for success. They are;

 

• Self Evaluation- Taking a look at where we are within our own success and happiness and establishing a connection with our own personal values and morals;

 

• Understanding- Limitations are self imposed;

 

• Courage- Stepping up to the plate of our own true intentions in life and working through personal life challenges;

 

• Co-operation- Working as a team towards a common goal, while creating supportive relationships;

 

• Exploration- Exploring formal life skills and how they help us to grow;

 

• Self Worth- Applying learned skills to our lives, taking responsibility for our sense of self, and experiencing the benefits; and

 

• Service- Giving back to a community and embracing the concept of personal responsibility.

 

In essence I see these elements as mandatory life rules to achieve personal growth and self-realization. They provide a way for young women to discover their own success and in turn become advocates for new community values.   The Elements of Success are the building blocks that people need in order to achieve their potential. Each element provides a piece of the puzzle towards personal success.

 

 

 

 

Dirty Diaper Syndrome: Sustainable Communities from the Inside Out February 21, 2008

The Core Three 

Some of us walk along life with our heads constantly above water always doing the “right” thing, following direction, not asking too many questions, and maintaining a fairly enjoyable life without any major struggles or troubling circumstances. For the sake of this blog we’ll call these people “boyds”

And some of us walk along time with our heads constantly under water coming up for little breaths of airs; just enough to survive. These people, the “hooks”, always pick the wrong choices, wrong friends, and mostly end up in very troubling circumstances. They ask too many questions to all the wrong people, and find life confusing, irritating, and for the most part miserable.

Then there are people who can be referred to as the “bobbers” . They seem to attract many challenges in life and face them head on. They can be found struggling for breath under water and then fighting their way back to the water’s surface. They really enjoy overcoming the challenges, feeling stronger, faster, and more alive. These people follow direction for the most part, if they feel passionate about something that goes against those directions they will question the director and often do what they feel is right even if that means going against the norm a little. These people are passionate, move quickly, and find life troubling at times but can really see the beauty that life can offer.

Each group of people are needed in this world in order for communities to have balance. If we were all “boyds “no major changes would occur in life. If we were all “bobbers” we won’t have norms in life. If we didnt have the “hooks”, well, there would be no need for people to improve the quality of life.

In order for a life system to function properly the Core Three (boyds, hooks, and bobbers) need to be present in reality. Look at any social situation that you have been in that has offered you the most. Now categorize those people in the Core Three, what do you find?

Dimension in social development is extremely important.

Currently in Vancouver, for the most part, in the human services field, we do not have proper dimensions of the Core Three. Individuals who work in human services for a prolonged length of time and can do their job with their eyes closed  (baby boomers) are creating a low tolerance for change. They are tired, often irritated by the system and so entrenched with their own reality that they can not see the “realities” of a changing world. Now I am just generalizing but from my experiences and the feedback I am receiving from others this is true. The new up and coming eager young professionals entering the fields of human services, are the “bobbers” they want change, they are willing to walk into any situation and do whatever they have to do to make it work. The problem here is that these “bobbers” lack experience. They are book smart, and have some practical experience but not the realities for the baby boomers. They are all about what they can do to make changes that they lack consideration of the years of experience and energy the baby boomers have put in.  This causes frustration, friction, and desperation. All components of an unhealthy system. The baby boomers then take on the characterstics of the “hooks” and the eager young professionals go from “bobber” to ” hook” in crisis and a division in services and a decrease in quality services happen. In the mix the clients or human beings we are suppose to be properly serving go from being the “hooks” and become the “boyds”; living out a norm because no change really occurs.

Plain and simple, our human service workers are becoming clients. We are being bogged down with who said what, and what happened 10 years ago, and start thinking things like why the new kid on the block gets to have rights when they’ve done the time… See where I am going with this?

How can we help people when we, ourselves are acting out of ignorance, selfish, and distorted thinking? How can we help people if we ourselves need help? What kind of example are we giving when we won’t show up to a community meeting because their are people there that we dont like?

The more I learn and the longer I am in the field of human services in Vancouver the more contorted my face becomes and the more I go home with a headache every day. I am appauled to hear some of the stories from other workers in the field about their struggles to develop a sustainable community within the field. The anger, pettiness, and shameful insights cause me great frustration.

The difference with me is this. I choose to acknowledge that I am a “bobber” to the core and that I often display characterstics of the “hook” when I feel stunted in my environment. I start to take on other peoples drama, and go from not just listening to other stories but I take them on. I then go from “bobber” to the “hook” to the “boyd” artificially because I decide what’s the point of continuing to go with my true nature as a “bobber” if all I get is a lack of support. I say artificially because I know that I am not the “hook” and that I am not the “boyd” (which arent bad by the way, they just are) and then I get to those places I am not being authentic to myself.

(Definition: Dirty Diaper Syndrome

As a two year old enjoys sitting in his or hers newly filled diaper, moving side to side, and giggling eventually he or she realizes that every other kids are moving away from them because the diaper eventually starts to smell and soon enough it becomes uncomfortable and irritating and they want out….

The Dirty Diaper Syndrome refers to anyone over the age of 10 who sits in their shit and makes a stink in their environment.)

Last week I sat in it, that’s right, the inventor the Dirty Diaper Syndrome sat in her own shit for 3 weeks regarding this major issue in Vancouver. I became sick and tired of all the crap that I just sat in it like everyone else.

See I “own” an incorporated society that is working toward charitable status. Due to the fact that so many individuals are creating charities for their own benefit the government has put a lock down on registration and has made it much harder for people to get status. I completely agree with what they are doing because of the actions of others… but… it makes it much harder for me. So thanks to some very smart people in my corner they had suggested that I consider an agency agreement with a like minded society so that I could start accepting donations so I can start programming. Now although this may seem one sided, the other society would also gain all the exposure and growth that I would start. So in truth it is a win win situation, at least you would think.

Due to our “challenge” of not being able to work as a community in Vancouver this has not been easy for me. In fact, what I found when I approached a few well known non profits is that they were more protective of their own that they are not willing to stand for what they claim to stand for… helping people.  I don’t truly blame them for being unsupportive but blame what we have created in this community, or, should I say lack their of.

When I was in Toronto in 2005/2006 working for the YWCA people we not like they are here. Every agency I encountered or worked with was supportive, shared resources, and was always willing to do whatever was needed in order to support the client’s well being. When I returned to Vancouver I realized this was not the case anymore. That instead of giving to support, people were taking and protecting their own interests… Have we become victims to cut backs? Have we forgotten why we do what we do for work? Have we all lost faith in what we truly believe?

Regardless I have decided to no longer to display Dirty Diaper Syndrome behaviours. I have not spent the last 10 years working for change to settling now for what people believe to be true. I would like to work with the “hooks” to understand where they are coming from so that I can build change. I would like to learn from the “boyds” on how to stand still enough to see harmony, and I want the other “bobbers” out there to help me complete the Core Three so that we can really make some great change in our communities by working together.

Welcome January 21, 2008

Namaste!

Each week I will be blogging an article, essay, or topic on issues that are effecting our personal world. Over the past 10 years of working in the human services field I have come across so many people “in need”.

Regardless of one’s background, age, status, race, creed, orientation, or gender we as people always looking for something more. Whether we are in need of shelter, food, relationships, love, career, inspiration, drive, or balance we are… “in need”.  Rarely do I come across a person that does not wish their life to change at all; a person who is completely FULfilled. 

 What I hope to accomplish in each blog is the opportunity to offer some insight or connection to the readers. So whether you are experiencing a loss of connection, are seeking love, wanting a change in career, needing to be inspired, or wishing you had the motivation to achieve something, my hope is that you will find something that will connect you to yourSELF in order to get whatever you are needing!